MMA Bro Pulls the Old “I’ll Just Knock Myself Out Before You Can” Trick


I’m not a big UFC guy.  Way too big of a complete puss to ever get in a confrontation when someone messes up my food order, I’m like he’s probably had a tough day who am I to pile on?  So the idea of getting into a boxing ring against someone on A-Rod’s cousin’s steroids is not only unappealing but gives me anxiety.  Don’t spread that around though because there’s a bad boy reputation to uphold.

Imagine the nightmare for this Timothy Woods bro.  I mean MMA fighters are hands down the toughest mofo’s in the sports world.  I always picture every fighter as those kids back in high school wrestlers and at least at my high school, these kids were units.  Just running on treadmills for hours with two sweatshirts on and just pouring out like 7 pounds of water weight so they could make weight.  They had something I desperately lack, determination and motivation.

So Timmy Dubs goes all though high school just training his dick off.  Not going out to parties, not drinking, not getting with ladies, and not taking any drugs during the four year period where I don’t only think that behavior is normal, but encouraged.

Then it’s off to college.  A place where even the biggest freaking loser in high school finds his niche in the ever changing social environment that is the college campus.  No booze, no drugs, again most likely limited relations with females.  Just training in the weight room, running for long extended periods of time, and spitting in bottles for the entire day during the best 8 to 10 years of life depending on whether you take the scenic route through college.  That sounds like the behavior of a complete psychotic maniac.

“Hey bro you coming over to the football house tonight? They’re throwing a huge party tonight with a ton of chicks dude!”

“Oh, I wish I could but I need to head home tonight.”

“What’s up a lot of homework or trouble with your girl?”

“Nah, actually I have no homework or girl but I need to stay home and ride my stationary bike for 6 hours while wearing a complete sweatsuit so that I can sweat off 8 pounds of water weight before my match on Saturday.”

“Oh… ok… I’m just going to… uhh… stop calling you anymore.”

“Completely understandable.”

Basically this guy sacrifices having a social life all through high school and college so that he can one day get his chance to be champion of the world.

As he walks down the ring with his entourage he’s pumping himself up, thinking to himself about all he’s been training for his entire life is coming to a head with this single match. TV cameras, members of the media, and a full arena of people are all here to witness his greatness.

He gets into the ring, gets his motivational speech from the guys in his corner, from guys that have been with him on this journey since day one.  Starts to pump himself up.  Goes to the center of the ring.  That bells rings and it’s on.

He lasts the first minute.  Exchanging blows.  He can see victory.  A chance to move up the MMA rankings and take a huge step towards accomplishing his life’s work.  He gets Tim Caron up against the side of the cage, right where he wants them.

Time for him to slam Tim Caron to the ground and finish this match.  Set his life’s dream work in motion.

He’s got him right where he wants him and… WHOOPS he knocks himself out.  Tim Caron wins.

Real shame for our boy Timothy Woods but I feel like he’ll be back once his broken neck heals up.


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