KY State Trooper Foils Mother Mary’s Plan To Pick Up Baby Jesus and I Think We All Might Be F’d Now

ELIZABETHTOWN, Ky. (AP) — A woman who led police on a chase told arresting officers that she was Mother Mary en route to pick up Baby Jesus and had permission from God to speed.  WDRB-TV cites an arrest report saying a Kentucky trooper attempted to pull over 52-year-old Connie Allen, of Tennessee, on Saturday, but she ignored him. A high-speed chase ensued.  

Another trooper was eventually able to pull in front of Allen, forcing her to stop. He approached her car with his weapon drawn, but she refused to get out and show her hands. The report says she became compliant when he hit her window with a police baton.

She also told police she had died five years ago.

She is charged with several offenses. It’s unclear whether she has a lawyer.

Wow.  I’ll put my hand up on this one, did not think that on a Tuesday in February we’d be sitting around talking about how there is no longer a separation of church and State in this country.  Yet here we are.

It’s a sad and somber day.  One that would for sure have our Founding Father’s rolling over in their graves.  Just devastating news here.  Since America’s beginning, we have built our society around the principle of freedom of religion.  I mean when I think of American history, I think of pure altruistic empathy when it comes to dealing with anyone who’s different.  For a place that claimed freedom of religion and tolerance, we didn’t really back that up with action.  We used to burn “witches” at the stake in Salem, MA back in the colonial days.  In their defense, they were dealing with witches.  Can’t be too careful while engaged in battle with the dark arts.  Also, I’ve never had a showdown with a witch so I can’t say for sure how I’d handle the situation.  JFK is a hero in my family because he was the first, and I believe only, Catholic elected president.  That was in 1961.  That’s a good 250+ years of freedom of religion for you.

With all that said, the actions of this Kentucky state trooper are appalling and unforgivable.

He’s got Mother Mary herself on her way to pick up Baby Jesus and he tries to pull her over for maybe going a little bit too much over the speed limit?  Are you serious bro?  Do you even realize what you’re doing?  Do you understand that we could all be smite’d down at a moment’s notice because of your dumb ass?  Do you?  You didn’t did you.  You didn’t understand the cosmic forces that you were interfering with and now you’ve gone and fucked us all.  Bigly.  I’m not a lawyer but I’m pretty sure that if you have Mother Mary doing 13 MPH over the speed limit because she’s late to pick up Baby Jesus from KinderCare or a sleep over or gymnastics camp or wherever he was, you let her off with a warning and a “Have a nice day, Ma’am.”  Maybe throw in a hat tip or something I don’t know, I haven’t been face to face with the Lord our Savior’s mom.

The article says that she’s charged with several offenses so it’s possible that she’s still locked up?  Is Baby Jesus in Child Protective Services in Elizabethtown, KY right now?  Can we get someone to check on that because if that’s the case we may want to do something about it before he’s adopted by another family or stabbed by a violent group home pre-teen.  By the way, could you imagine if Baby Jesus got adopted by a gay couple?  Sean Hannity’s head would literally explode on air.  And another thing, can we get this lady a lawyer please?  Not exactly making the best impression with the big guy upstairs by arresting his baby mama, letting his son be taken into state custody, and then not giving Mother Mary her due process and legal representation?  Sheeeeeeeeesh.

Imagine the nightmare it would be to have to defend Mary, Mother of God in municipal traffic court.  You’re just some kid who graduated last May and passed the bar, wanted to “do some good” and “give back to the under privileged” so you become a Public Defender in rural Kentucky.  You move down there to try and better the world.  Help the disenfranchised fight the corrupt US Justice system.  Then after probably two weeks and your 10,000th possession of Oxycontin case you’re completely disillusioned with your entire profession, you’re constantly fighting with your girlfriend because you brought her to Elizabethtown, KY and she’s more of a city gal, you’re surrounded by mouth breathing hillbillies and that’s not just defendants.  I’m including the court Sheriffs, the clerks, the administrative staff, other attorneys, and the general public in the “mouth breathing hillbilly” phylum.

And so here we are.  Everybody thought that it would be Kim Jong Un or Donald Trump that ends the world.  Apparently it’s going to be a Kentucky state trooper who HAD to follow the letter of the law and couldn’t give a lady a break and now we are just stuck here waiting for God’s other foot to drop.  Damn it.

PS – The lady claimed that she has been dead for 5 years?  What the hell does that mean?  How does that work?  She’s a ghost?  Can you handcuff a ghost?  Definitely can’t right?  I just put myself in a mental pretzel and I think this lady could be insane.

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