Hey Donald, America’s Pretty Great

The Olympics are finally over. It all started with the opening ceremony that needs to be cut into half. I’m pretty sure they started to make up countries like I make up Pokemon names when I’m inebriated. Michael Phelps got his time to shine holding the flag during the ceremony. It was actually the first time he ever appeared at the opening celebrations because most swimming events start the first day. Phelps once again dominated in the green water and the blue water. If you’re not an Olympic aficionado, the color of the pool changed daily. Phelps showed “bad guy” Chad Le Clos that you should never poke a tiger and left Rio with 6 more medals.

In addition, Le Clos’ shadow boxing before the 200 meter fly will go down as the prime example that swimmers are not tough.



We also might have to realize that swimmers may not also be the brightest of the bunch. Mimbo Ryan Lochte will hopefully hesitate before he fabricates on a story. Also he might as well stop telling his mom his drunk explorations. I can’t even imagine calling my mom every time I was drunk. She would have to go to church way too much.

But not all of our swimming stories were controversial. We had Simone Manuel become the first African American woman to medal in an individual event. The joy in her face when being interviewed said it all. I had a vine that went viral but I guess NBC Sports doesn’t appreciate us appreciating history. Either that, or they had the television rights to all things Olympics but I digress.

The thing I get most excited for every four years is basketball. The woman are so far ahead of any other nation in hoops that they might as well collected their medals on the first day and spent the rest of their time there coaching other teams. They really were  that good. The men on the other hand were a different story. The best players in the world did not attend Rio. Some were injured, some were terrified of Zika, and another was tired from carrying a team to an NBA championship. The men’s basketball program had a few scares. Australia on day 5 comes to mind, probably because Carmelo Anthony showed the world why he is a God Damn National Treasure.


If it wasn’t for our Knickerbocker that night, Team USA would have lost an Olympic game for the first time since 2004. Serbia also could have brought Team USA to overtime on day 7 with a last second three, but when it mattered most Coach K’s guys locked up and sealed the deal. Last night they showed the world that our nation is still leaps and bounds better than any other nation, winning 96-66.

The United States woman DOMINATED this year. They won 27 gold medals which means if they were their own nation, they would have tied for second with the most golds. Clap your hands ladies, you guys were the real MVPS. I could go on and talk about gymnastics, our dominance in track and field or the fact that we almost doubled any other country in the medal count. But the 121 medals really says it all. We already are the greatest country in the world.


Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *